So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
