Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
