i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think my fart just growled at me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
