I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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