No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So many bounce houses so little time
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The ass gains better be worth it
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