I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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