so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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