you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
