i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
