Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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