but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
