My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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