There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
