I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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