Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
