And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
