Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
