I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize