woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
