I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You can't special order awesome
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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