Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
