Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We are all done wearing pants today
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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