Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
