Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
