if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
