he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
