Your tits are I can't wait for
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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