i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think my mom watched the whole time
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
