I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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