upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
