when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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