beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
