Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
