I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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