You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
