Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
