She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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