woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
