After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
