dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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