I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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