I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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