Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
