Your tits are I can't wait for
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
