he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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