I need to stop coming to work sober
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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