This girl is more easily done than said...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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