That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
