so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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