'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
